Detachment

I was reading a blog post by a high school friend of mine on loss, and more importantly detachment.  Both of these concepts have been overwhelmingly familiar to be in the past year or so, and as I read his post I realized how detached I had become from the world around me, how incredibly enclosed I was in my own little chamber, so much so that I had stopped writing, had almost stopped thinking, and realized that I have to get out of this box.  The dissolution of a marriage, the loss of close friends and family to a cause you cannot seem to get behind, and more losses to a disease that just seems to sneak up on people has left me exhausted, emotionally, mentally, and when you throw in two kids under the age of five, physically on a level which I never imagined was possible.

I can’t help but feel that I have been childish in a, “if you’re going to push then I’m going to take my ball and go home” sort of way.  Clearly I’ve been selfish.  Do my children not deserve to have a mother who is completely emotionally available to them?  What the hell was I thinking, stepping into my chamber during important events and birthdays simply because their father was there and he hurt me.  It’s time to get out of my head and back into the world.  By the way, Richard, I guess this means I’m doing better.  Thanks for asking!