Archive for the 'divorce' Category



How do we convince people who do not derive power from it or lose out as a result of it that the White Male Privilege does exist and that it would be almost universally beneficial to eliminate it?



I teach English.  More importantly, I teach English in the City of Philadelphia to students of varied races in a very low socioeconomic area.  As a result, I do my best to to incorporate literature written by people of all races and religions in every course I teach.  I follow the school district curriculum as much as possible so that my students will pass the standardized tests.

So I was really insulted when a few of our students wore all black and protested in front of our building because we weren’t doing anything for Black History Month.  I should mention that we didn’t do anything for Hispanic History Month (October), and we weren’t planning on doing anything for Women’s History Month (April).  Our school makes a special effort to include all cultures in all of our lessons and relate what we’re doing to our student base. We strive to be better then those schools who, because they ignore the black students most of the time, NEED Black History Month to remind them that we are a multiracial society (though I take issue with the fact that African Americans aren’t the only minority and yet their political groups insist on pushing their histpry over all others).  But since these students decided that we don’t try hard enough the rest of the year (and we REALLY, REALLY do), I have to take days away from the middle of a lesson on the Canterbury Tales (in which I included the Middle Eastern and African influences that entered Europe after the Crusades) to show some movie that has no relevance to what I’m doing in class.

**In an unrelated note, I am currently in the middle of a divorce (which I’m writing about here: and 17 weeks pregnant, which is why I have been slacking off on my writting. I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.  Thanks for your patience.


He Who Troubleth His Own House…

You are a toxic person. You have done more damage in two weeks than most people can do in two years. You have destroyed my confidence and undermined my trust. You have damaged a future that was on shaky ground to begin with, and for what? You are a selfish woman.

I don’t believe for a second that any of this is innocent. I think it probably is on his part (though he has his share of the blame), but every woman knows, once a manipulator, always a manipulator. You can’t be trusted. If you could be, you would have bowed out when I asked you, without sending him my emails to you. If you really didn’t want anything but friendship from him, you would have walked away when I said you were hurting my marriage. And if it was your intention to stop talking to him, you would have done it without asking him if that’s what he wanted. I know this game. You are purposely pitting him against me.

The kinds of things you have been saying to my husband, regardless of the reasons, are unacceptable. Under no circumstances do you ever tell another woman’s husband that you love him, that if you weren’t separated by an ocean and a continent things might be different, and that you need him. I can’t imagine how your husband could be okay with all that. And if all of this is so innocent, why is it that you haven’t told YOUR husband the extent to which you have been talking to mine? Does he know about the phone calls, the emails, the IMs? How does he feel about your telling another man that you love him?


How Long ’til my Soul Gets it Right?

Karma’s a bitch. I just wish I’d known that when I was 21. Now I’m nearly 30 and reaping what I’ve sown. I used to be the one to break up with people. I didn’t play games, exactly, but I didn’t really think about what I was doing. I’m sure thinking about it now. I could be somewhere else completely. With someone else entirely. Sure, I wouldn’t have my son, but I wouldn’t be in this position, either.

I had someone who was in love with me once. Truly, madly, and deeply. I was too young and too wrapped up in myself to know how rare that is. I let it go, and boy do I regret it. Really, what does one do when they’re trapped in a marriage with someone who’s not in love with them? Usually they leave, but of course, there’s the boy to think of. He deserves a father. Even more importantly, he deserves HIS father. So, I guess if we stay together, my son and I have both gotten what we deserve.


The Best Policy?

Honesty is important in any relationship, but aren’t there situations in which brutal honesty should not be an option? If you love someone, isn’t better to keep some things to yourself? Who wants to know that their wife has never really been in love with him (though she does love him and is entirely content with their relationship and the life they’ve made together) or that their husband is secretly in love with his secretary (though he would never act on his feelings because he loves his wife)? Isn’t it sometimes more selfish to be honest than it is to share something with someone that you are absolutely sure will shatter their world? If your son is gay and that repulses you but you love him, isn’t it better just to keep your big mouth shut? After all, that’s more your problem than it is his, isn’t it?

Some feelings are not meant to be shared. Even in the best relationships there are bound to be moments where you just can’t stand your spouse. At some point your children will disappoint you even though they’re doing something they just can’t help or are even intensely proud of. Some of your neurosis, compulsions, and phobias come directly from things your parents did or said to you. You may have pictured yourself (and long to be) in quite a different place than you are now. Maybe these are things better kept to yourself. What makes you think purging your feelings are so much more important than maintaining someone’s sense of self, of security, or of sanity? Talk about your feelings only if the outcome will be constructive. If it will only be destructive, shut the hell up.

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I am not perfect. I do my best to practice what I preach, but I am human. My mantra is, "DO NO HARM". I may not always succeed, but I will always try. My goal is to be a better person today than I was yesterday.

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